He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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