I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
