so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
