his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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