I look better un-naked...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
