if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
