Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize