this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
