not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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