Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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