I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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