You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
