my mouth tastes like poor choices
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
