Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
