I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
