so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
