im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
