I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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