My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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