she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
