you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
