I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
