Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
