Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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