I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
