also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
