so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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