If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
