my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
