you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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