I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
