she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize