There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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