John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
