Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
