Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
