Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize