Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
