I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
