when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if only i could text you this smell
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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