Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
