I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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