FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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