If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
