He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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