I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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