how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
