The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
