Im at strip club and am horny
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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