If that was your dad, he is hot
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize