he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Sober January is a disaster.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
