she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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