Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
