the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need water and some morals
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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