got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
