this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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