Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
