so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
