my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
