I cannot find my penis.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
