i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
