he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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