thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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