tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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