my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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