Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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