Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
