I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
