the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
