Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
