Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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